Happiness in marriage- how we end up marrying the wrong people

Happiness in marriage and relationships is one of the big components of being happy overall. However there is not much practical and smart literature on the subject. There are no quality verified schools or classes where one could learn the basics and it’s pretty much expected that we figure it out by ourselves, often by repeating same costly mistakes as the people before us.

This is why despite being fascinated by the subject, I so rarely write about it on this blog. Quality material is hard to run by. Thanks to Alain de Botton, who I regard as one of the strongest practical living philosophers, I did manage to run into another gem. By the way, I recommend that you read Alain’s books or at least follow him on Twitter for snippets of eye opening, practical wisdom, which could be applied to day to day life immediately, or if you want to know more about philosophy (his 4min summaries of teachings of main philosophers are amazing).

Here is the amazing post. I love the historical view on the development of concepts of marriage – from arranged to Romantic marriage, outlining of reasons why Romantic approach does not work, and a proposed third type of marriage, which humanity should evolve to – psychological marriage. Here are top 3 quotes from the post that I found fascinating.

On marriage:

A good partnership is not so much one between two healthy people (there aren’t many of these on the planet), it’s one between two demented people who have had the skill or luck to find a non-threatening conscious accommodation between their relative insanities.

On our childhood experience defining our partner choices:

We marry the wrong people because the right ones feel wrong – undeserved; because we have no experience of health, because we don’t ultimately associate being loved with feeling satisfied.

And finally, the partner selection checklist for new psychological marriages.

We need a new set of criteria. We should wonder:

– how are they mad

– how can one raise children with them

– how can one develop together

– how can one remain friends

 

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About lolkin

the nomad of the Universe, sailing through the unknown, learning to be happy and give happiness back
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One Response to Happiness in marriage- how we end up marrying the wrong people

  1. Pingback: Forget happiness! How do you stay sane in times of stress? | Nomad of the Universe

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