Friend lost #happiness

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I had a dear friend write to me the other day. It was wonderful. We have not been in touch for a while. I do miss him a lot. He is one of those angels, a friendly soul who you seem to have known forever. But he was also an object of my love addiction for too long. In fact it’s thanks to him that I realised I had a problem. So in the spirit of my ‘no secrets, no lies’ approach and in my on-going attempt to live simply, I came out and told him everything. Via email and Twitter messaging.

I don’t know if he was shocked or he knew all along but his reaction was the reaction of a typical love addiction object – or should I say victim? – slight disbelief with a pinch of ‘wtf’.

You don’t achieve closure this way. You never do. I have since felt a tremendous sense of loss which I know will be with me for the rest of my life. Why can I not be friends with the amazing men I am blessed to encounter? Why do I always have to burn the bridges. Damn clinging. Lots to learn there still.

I want to share a poem I wrote in 2010 when we were going different ways and that I shared with him, finally, 7 years later. I am an incurable romantic. To all of you who lost a friend.

To all who lost me and who I lost

Friend lost in love
Friend lost in lust
Over love
And over time

Friend lost in me
Friend lost by me
Friend lost in battle
And in time

Were you a friend
If you got lost?
Was I a friend
If I did loose you?

My dear friend
Who I have lost
Unkind time
Has turned us stone

Here I stand
Lost and alone
With sea and sky on fire
Next to Hakananai’a.

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About lolkin

the nomad of the Universe, sailing through the unknown, learning to be happy and give happiness back
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