How to be happy in marriage – appreciate the context and adjust your expectations

I am a big fan of Alain de Botton. He manages to poetically capture the essence of modern life struggles, throws a life ring of information and proposes reframing exercises to shed light on the big existential questions we seem to be stuck at.

In his deceptively titled book ‘How to think more about sex’ he gives a perfect bird’s eye view on what constitutes a successful marriage – the subject which you know interests me greatly. He nails it completely in these 4 and a bit pages (hope you can forgive my page photographing skills!)

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My guide to happiness – this is what it ultimately boils down to

This is a big post for me. I wanted to summarise everything I learned about happiness. I attempted to distill it to a couple of words, concepts. It took years to get here. It took some thinking, time and several versions. But ultimately this is what it boils down to for me:
I’ll expand on this later. Thoughts?

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Happy New Year!


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How to remain calm with people. It has to do with self love #happiness

I have taken a long time to learn to deal with ‘negative’ people. It took a while to understand that often the problem is not in others but in me. Alain de Botton sums it up beautifully. When dealing with ‘negative’ or annoying people, are you sure ‘negativity’ is there altogether or do you perceive it to be there? Are you sure it’s not self hatred that frames your perception of being attacked and leads to overreaction? I will treat this video as a short course on conflict management and cross it off my development plan 🙂

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The book that will be my default present this year #happiness

I have noticed this book several times before and bought it recently after it appeared on one of the happiness blogs I read and I realised I follow the author on Twitter – serendipity it is.

Reviews promised a kick up my butt and this is exactly what this book delivers – it slaps you on the face, pours a bucket of ice water over you, then tells you everything you knew about happiness is wrong (while being firmly rooted in concepts like Buddhism). I like it. I think this book is one of the most honest and view changing books on self development I’ve read.

I gave it to a friend as a present and plan to make it a default present to give in 2017. As you grapple with yearly reviews and goal setting for 2017, this book might just change your outlook. Have you read it already? What did you think? Highly recommend.

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Feeling alone or down on Christmas? On Twitter? #joinin

You are not alone. When you forget this, remember about pronoia and being one with Universe. You are ok. If you are on twitter and feeling alone or down during holidays, #joinin and/ or tag me and let’s talk @lolaaskar.


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When in a difficult situation, accept it as if you chose it #happiness

I moved house. On moving as an exercise in mindfulness later, what this meant however was that a) I got thrust out of my oh so comfortable routine, b) I suddenly had an even longer to do list and even less time to do it all. STRESSFUL, right?

When you are out of your comfort zone, facing uncertainty and under stress, life can suddenly seem daunting and bleak. Everything is a problem and everything is a drag. My commute is longer and more fragmented, it’s dark outside most of the time and you wonder how you ended up in this mess and what the hell to do next. Full on victim mode.

Whenever I am dealing with a difficult situation and when I go into the victim mode, I remind myself this:


Transcend through acceptance, through overcoming resistance. Difficult situation? Which difficult situation? And back to the lightness of being… Thank you, Eckhart Tolle.

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